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Rule of Five
11-14-2017
My most recent columns have centred around mental distress in children and youth. Before exploring the costs of untreated mental health issues, I feel it’s necessary to remember that although not a “cure” there is great power in creating a supportive environment.
Five is a powerhouse number. Five fingers on a hand. Five senses. Five work days in a week. Five rings in the Olympic symbol. Five fruits and vegetables daily to keeps you healthy. And of course in Islam, five pillars of faith and five daily prayers. But do you realize the importance of at least five caring adults in the life of a child?
Derek Peterson, a world-renown child and youth advocate, wants everyone to know about the Rule of Five and the Power of More. We’re familiar with the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Surprisingly, a personal village of only five caring adults has a tremendously positive impact on building resiliency in children and youth. Just five. It doesn’t seem so hard does it? Five adults who care about a particular child. Five adults involved in building up this child. Five adults to turn to for support, advice and just ‘being there’.
Unfortunately, too many of our Muslim children don’t have five. Our hectic modern society stretches adults to their limit. Who has time or energy to give spare?
You do. Yes, you! It’s not an option- it’s an obligation. A debt you owe. Think about all the people who nurtured you: parents, relatives, teachers, neighbours, religious leaders, your friend’s parents, your parent’s friends, and all the other adults you interacted with on a regular basis. Who believed in you? Who supported your dreams? Who caught you when you stumbled? Who gave you roots and wings? All those people who gave of themselves; those busy, hurried people who had worries and stress just like you do now, and still found time love, they are counting on you to return the favour by caring for today’s children. They gave of themselves to you, now it is your turn to give.
We can make this world a better place, one child at a time. We can reflect upon the ways we were nurtured as a child and we can conscientiously replicate them. We can learn and implement new strategies. And we can eradicate destructive practices from the lives of children. We show our appreciation for our roots by giving wings to others.
We spend a lot of time worrying about kids and the behaviours they engage in. We need to spend more time supporting kids and the behaviours they engage in. Children and youth have incredible potential. Even rebellious youth have profound intelligence, a wealth of talents and the need to contribute. It is up to us to build capacity for greatness. It’s not a burden or an energy drain—it’s a blessing and a source of revitalization. Caring is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. It sounds like the empty promise of an infomercial but the truth is when you build someone else up, you build yourself up proportionally. What you give, you automatically get back.
Too many of our children get sidetracked from reaching their true purpose in life. Instead of being a source of pride and joy they cause pain and sorrow. Regrettably our youth so often go astray. They turn their backs on religion and family. They become defensive and turn to violence. They seek acceptance in unacceptable relationships. They hide their insecurities in alcohol and drug use. They drift aimlessly, and may even become involved in criminal behaviours or saddest of all, commit suicide. The price of not giving each child at least five caring adults is too high.
Just being an adult floating around the edges of a child’s life doesn’t count. In order to be effective, you must have high expectations, focus on strengths and innate worth, and take time to develop in the child the skills necessary for a successful life. You have to be willing serve as an anchor- providing stability and support even during the tough times.
Where to start? If you are a parent, see if your child has at least five adults who deeply care. If not, start reaching out to people you trust and bring them into your child’s life. For all of us, begin looking around for children where you can ramp up your interaction. Be the supportive adult that a child or teen who is suffering can count on.
For more information visit http://www.icar-us.com/and http://www.search-institute.org/ Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca.
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