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Becoming Human
5-31-2016
Ramadan is a time to pause and reflect. Our awareness of physical limits and frailties is heightened. Our sense of connection with each other and with our Creator is intensified. Ramadan is a time of love for oneself, others, and God.
Jean Vanier, founder of the L'Arche communities, seems to have found a way to bring the love displayed at Ramadan into day-to-day life. In L'Arche communities, people with and without intellectual disabilities support each other with love. By understanding the limits people with intellectual experience the live-in community assistants learn to see love from a new perspective. L'Arche teaches us to see "all people as of equal value, and people with intellectual disabilities as being able to teach the rest of us about the values of the heart and what it means to be a fully human person."
Vanier writes in his book, "Becoming Human", that there are seven aspects of love which lead to transformation: to reveal, to understand, to communicate, to celebrate, to empower, to be in communion with another, and finally, to forgive. Vanier's words say it best. The following are excerpts from his book.
The first aspect is revelation. To reveal someone’s beauty is to reveal their value by giving them time, attention, and tenderness. We can express this revelation through our open and gentle presence, in the way we look at and listen to a person, the way we speak to and care for someone. Gestures can be filled with a respect the reveals to someone their worth, even if that worth is hidden under anger, hatred, or madness. The belief of the inner beauty of each and every human being is at the heart of being human and of all true education. As soon as we start selecting and judging people instead of welcoming them as they are we are reducing life, not fostering it.
To love also means to understand and this is the second aspect of love. The creation of a trusting relationship is based on understanding of needs. It takes time and a great deal of attention, as well as wisdom, in order to learn how to interpret someone’s cries and their body language which reveal the desires and needs they cannot name.
The third aspect of love is communication. Communication is at the heart of love. People who are disturbed need to have someone help them name where their disturbance is coming from. When nothing is named, confusion grows and with it comes anguish. To name something is to bring it out of chaos, out of confusion, and to render it understandable. When realities are not named, they haunt us. As we begin to understand ourselves, we begin to understand others. We do not have to be perfect or to deny our emotions.
To love people is to also celebrate them. So often those with disabilities are seen only as problems. We all need laughter and play, people who will celebrate life with us and manifest the joy of being.
To love means to empower. It is not just a question of doing things for others but of helping them to do things for themselves, helping them to discover the meaning of their lives. We each are responsible for our own body, our own life, have authority over our actions, and make choices, however small. With a sense of responsibility for oneself comes the necessity of learning to respect others. Empowerment means observing the structures of the community and making efforts to respect and love others.
Communion is at the heart of the mystery of our humanity and is the sixth aspect of love. Communion is mutual trust, mutual belonging, mutual vulnerability and openness to the other. It is liberation for both, indeed, where both are allowed to be themselves, where both are called to grow in greater freedom and openness to others and to the universe. Communion, which implies the security and insecurity of trust, is a constant struggle against all the powers of fear and selfishness in us, as well as seemingly resilient human need to control another person. Communion of hearts is a beautiful but also a dangerous. Letting down our inner barriers means that we can be easily hurt. Communion makes us vulnerable.
The final aspect of love, the most crucial of all in our equation: forgiveness. All of us carry within ourselves brokenness, as well as shadow areas. Human beings cannot be constantly attentive, loving, and nonviolent. At times we need to be confronted by a firm, unflinching person who will not let us escape into anguish, loneliness, or folly. But we accept this only if we know that we are respected and that we can turn to that person for help and protection. Authority that is not based on this fundamental trust, the assent of those who are led, can only be oppressive, destructive of personal freedom. Only an authority based on trust can permit growth to inner peace and freedom. We forgive when we trust.
Take time this Ramadan to reflect on how you show love to yourself, others, and God. Put the lessons Jean Vanier learnt through living with those less able into practice: reveal, understand, communicate, celebrate, empower, be in communion with another, and forgive.
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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