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Connectedness: The Social Atom
5-02-2016
Using technology to stay in touch is ubiquitous to our modern lifestyle. The numbers are staggering. With a world population of seven billion people, we share nearly five billion cell phone subscriptions. Every day over 100 billion emails are sent and received. Sites like Instagram, Twitter, Skype, Whatsapp, and Tumblr all have more than 100 million active users worldwide. Facebook alone has 1.1 billion accounts. Every second, more than an hour of video is uploaded on You Tube and there are over six billion hours of new viewing available every month. With so many options, it’s almost impossible not to use technology to stay connected.
Social scientist, Dr. Jacob L. Moreno, would probably be intrigued by our use of technology to be in contact with our fellow human beings. In the 1930s, he helped pioneer the study of social networks and interpersonal relations. Moreno would most likely remind us, that despite the overwhelming numbers, each interaction takes place on a personal level. At its essence, the billions of interactions are initiated by a single person, reaching out through technology to give his or her attention, if only momentarily, to another person. It is this gift of attention that is sought after. It is why we notice a little tingle of excitement upon receiving a text message, a “like,” or a new follower. It affirms that someone has noticed us. They are thinking of us. We matter.
Being recognized and acknowledged is a basic human need. To be shunned or neglected is a deeply painful experience, which is why solitary confinement is so harmful. Being able to initiate and respond to interactions enhances our sense of self-agency and worthiness. We exist, not in isolation, but in relation.
One of the seminal concepts in Moreno’s work is the idea of a “social atom.” Just as in chemistry an atom is the smallest unit of a particular element and is identified by its unique chemical structure, a social atom represents the smallest unit of study to understand a person. Who we are at our core is revealed through our interactions with others. Social atoms offer a public view into a person’s inner world. Take a moment to examine your own social atom. Think of all the people you consider significant: family, friends, colleagues, role models, and even enemies, past or present, known to you in real life or virtually. If you can call them to mind, then they are part of your social atom. It’s a deceptively complex analogy with many layers to explore.
One way to think of social atoms is to picture other people like electrons zooming around you, the nucleus. The size and composition of your electron cloud varies. Who you include in your social atom and how you interact with them changes over time. At any given moment, the bonds that hold a particular person can be strong or weak, emotionally close or distant. You may choose to have a large number of people in your inner orbit or be more selective. For Moreno, what matter is that you have the flexibility and creativity to be able to bond with others in ways that are mutually satisfying.
In chemistry, different atoms will react differently with other atoms. Some combinations are useful – even vital for our survival, some are common and taken for granted, some are rare and therefore precious, and some are deadly in their reactivity. Likewise, our social atom is filled with diverse patterns of interaction. We do not treat everybody the same, nor are we treated the same by others. We develop our relationship patterns in childhood. If we are lucky, we have attentive parents and teachers who act as chemists. They create conditions that give opportunities to build social skills and expand our repertoire of ways to effectively interact with others so that we are not limited to mindless reactiveness. Attuned parents and teachers give children the freedom to practice and gain feedback of what is beneficial and what is maladaptive within a crucible of unconditional love.
Moreno might be amused by our boasts of how many LinkedIn connections we have or moans regarding how many emails have piled up in our inboxes. He would understand that it comes from our need to be seen as significant. But he also might clarify for us that our character and our worthiness is better reflected in the multitude of one-to-one interactions we inconspicuously engage in as we go about our day instead of the number of Tumblr followers we have.
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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