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Courage
11-04-2015
Around Remembrance Day, thoughts turn to what it takes to be considered courageous. Often our definition is reserved for those who risk life and limb in times of peril: pinned down soldiers sacrificing lives for comrades, firefighters tirelessly battling raging infernos, even ordinary bystanders pulling victims from a crash site. Thankfully, harrowing circumstances are rare and few of us will ever have our nerves tested under fire. By holding such a narrow definition we discount the innumerable acts of courage that surround us. Consider redefining courage simply as wisely doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason.
As parents, we want to believe our children will show courage when called upon. Courage to stand up to a bully. Courage to say the truth even in the face of consequences. Courage to try again after failure. Courage to avoid temptations. Courage to choose forgiveness instead of revenge. Courage to stay true to one’s faith. Courage to live life to the fullest. It’s more important than ever for parents to teach their children how to be courageous—in the little times as well as the big.
Building courage is a long-term investment. It starts by recognizing that courage has four interconnected traits: bravery, integrity, persistence and vitality. Bravery is akin to the typical idea of courage: doing what you think is right even at risk of personal safety. Integrity means saying and doing only what upholds personal morals and taking responsibility for yourself without blaming others. Persistence is the ability to hold firmly to a greater purpose despite obstacles and see things through to the end. Finally a touch of vitality brings enthusiasm and positive expectations to every task—even routine ones. It takes all these characteristics to make a person of courage.
In his book, “Leaping into Courage” long-time Richmond school counsellor Rob Inrig, explains how to recognize, appreciate and build courage. It can’t be learned by rules that demand compliance. Forced strength is really just fear of authority. Instead courage is taught through inspiration—by showing everyday examples of courage and giving children an image of themselves to aspire to. They learn it by witnessing people face life’s difficulties with resolve. They internalize the stories told about people rising to new challenges. They build confidence in themselves when given the chance to practice necessary skills without fear of humiliation. They rise to new heights when those who love them affirm their small attempts at being courageous. Children step into courage when they have a strong sense of what is important and that doing the right thing is worthy regardless of the outcome.
When teaching courage, it is important to realize courage is not the absence of fear. Circumstances requiring courage will always feel bigger than one’s capability. Courage is walking up to that wall of fear and, once hitting it, taking one more step. Fear may knock you down, but courage won’t let you stay there. Courage begins by taking the action that you can. You don’t have to save the world; you just have to take the first step. The steps that follow will take care of themselves. Help your child acknowledge that fear only has the power you give it. Courage is about finding a purpose or need bigger than your fear, then choosing to act out of that belief.
Children are greatly influenced by what they are encouraged to become. We shape our children through the words we use. Inrig asks us to look for situations to comment on strength, insight, boldness, guts, determination, spirit, resolve, grit and fortitude. Point out examples of compassion, moral decisions, fighting against all odds, embracing challenges, and choosing integrity. The important thing is to try where others may hold back. The result, be it pleasant or uncomfortable, is merely a moment in time. Acknowledging the fact that a person showed courage is what can be carried into the future. Help children recognize the power in what they do by focussing on an attitude of courage.
Courage is both personal and situational. Even though daily battles may seem small, private and insignificant, they are building strength and courage that will serve your child well. Occurrences you consider insignificant could be overwhelming for others. Just because life is more challenging for some does not diminish the fact that each of us faces circumstances requiring courage. We are all called upon to consistently do the right thing, at the right time, for the right reason. We can all be people of courage.
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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