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Mindfulness in Children
8-26-2015
In the last column, the concept of mindfulness was explored. Mindfulness has many aspects but can be summed up as being aware of yourself, others, and your surroundings moment by moment. I’ve been consciously applying some mindful techniques and am learning to hush my persistent inner monologues. As a parent and an educator, I’m naturally curious about how to teach mindfulness to children so they can reap the benefits lifelong. Thankfully, there is an excellent book complete with activities called “The Mindful Child” by Susan Kaiser Greenland.
Greenland claims “by practicing mindfulness kids learn life skills that help them soothe and calm themselves, bring awareness to their inner and outer experience, and bring a reflective quality to their actions and relationships. Mindfulness prizes old-fashioned values like kindness, compassion, gratitude and responsibility. And because children learn to be aware of the impact of their actions and words on others, they consider other people before acting.” Sounds almost too good to be true!
As we head back to school, it is important to remember that children also experience stress: peer relations, classroom pressure, worries about loved ones, fear of the future and regret over the past can all live within children. Navigating the ups and downs of life is not reserved for grownups alone. Teaching mindful strategies to children will allow them to live a fuller more rewarding life.
Just as for adults, mindfulness with children isn’t about sitting quietly or meditating. A good way to start is to challenge them to be scientists studying a rare and special species—themselves. Prompt them to explore below the surface and to observe their own inner experience—thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations—without labelling anything good or bad. Becoming aware of what is going on inside, what meaning they habitually attach, and a propensity to knee-jerk reactions, is a powerful experience for many children. Mindfulness doesn’t involve pretending life’s unpleasant realities don’t exist, but it does invite them to recognize that there may be a lot they don’t know about people and situations that seem difficult or unfair. They may not allows be able to change the circumstances but they can control their own thinking and actions.
An important part of teaching mindfulness is showing children how to use breathing to regulate emotion. Stopping during times of stress and concentrating on their breath will reign in extreme moods. Although a couple of deep breathes can be therapeutic, the point is not to force any changes in breathing, simply to focus on it. Use the phrase “your breath is your home” to redirect thoughts away from what is causing turmoil and towards control. Encourage them to pay attention to the physical sensation of the air as it enters and exits their body. A few concentrated breathes tethers the child back to the present moment and disperses exaggerated reactions.
Mindfulness is not a magic elixir. Children assume that to be mindful means they will always be happy and carefree. In many ways being mindful is the exact opposite. It compels us to learn to tolerate and accept feelings that are unpleasant, painful and outside of our comfort zone. Happiness comes from clarity—not from suppressing unwanted emotions. Pain and discomfort, when dealt with properly, can be as meaningful as joy.
Mindfulness means learning to pay attention to how your body deals with these uncomfortable feelings and to allow them to wash through the body without reaction. This is a difficult concept and requires you to practice what you preach. For example, I now notice when someone questions my decisions at work, I can feel my heart begin to race. My brain automatically pulls up old examples about how this person has questioned my authority in the past. By pushing mute on my mental ranting, I can concentrate on my breathing till my heart beat returns to normal. This doesn’t mean I stand frozen, I’m still going about my normal business, but by quieting my mind, I physically calm my heart. Through sharing what I notice about myself with children, it aids them in identifying what is happening inside their bodies. The key to managing difficult situations does not always lie in the situation itself but rather in how we allow it to affect us. Children need to understand that it is natural for feelings ebb and flow through us. We don’t have to hold onto or “become” our feelings. We can experience them and move on.
Teaching mindfulness, like teaching anything, is a slow process and requires patience and persistence. Don’t get discouraged if your child seems unresponsive—just breathe and carry on. Many years ago Henry Ward Beecher said, “What the mother sings to the cradle goes all the way down to the coffin.” Keep this in mind as you practice mindfulness with your child.
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca
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