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Self-Care
2-24-2015
There’s no getting around it, for most of us life keeps getting busier and busier. We rush around trying to finally cross everything off our “to-do” list only to realize that the list keeps regenerating. There will always be more demands on our time, obligations to fulfill, people to help, matters to attend to and tasks to complete. It’s part of the costs of living. This day-to-day hectic heaviness of ongoing task coupled with the ceaseless flood of “tyranny of the urgent” type emergencies can be overwhelming. It’s easy to get caught up in a raging river of things that must be done, too afraid to stop swimming for fear that all we’ve accomplished so far will be washed away. We risk drowning in the present.
For many of us, especially women, our lives revolve around the never-ending stresses of taking care of others. We are taught that giving to others, especially to our families, is virtuous and that self-sacrifice is honourable. We learn to discount our own needs and to focus our attention outwardly. Our responsibilities and relationships start to define us. We are identified by our roles, either through job titles and duties or through family positions, primarily as someone’s spouse or parent. Relying on self-sacrifice and self-alienation in order to keep everyone else happy or to feel worthwhile is an exhausting way to live. Self-neglect creates resentment and bitterness. It causes us to withdraw, emotionally if not physically. The irony is that someone who is worn out, stressed out and barely keeping their head above water cannot empathetically and authentically care for others. When we burnout, we tend to tune out, and then everyone suffers.
The importance of self-care is often underrated. We’ve been socialized to think of self-care as selfish and something to be reserved until after everyone else’s needs are taken care. It’s even viewed as an extravagant luxury that only pampered people indulge in. In truth, self-care is a mature and generous response to life’s stresses. It fortifies us so that we can be better equipped to meet all our obligations with vitality and awareness. Self-care is about honouring yourself, caring for yourself, nurturing yourself, and loving yourself – both for your own benefit and for the benefit of everyone around you. Author Jim Rohn phrases it as, “I’ll take care of me for you, if you take care of you for me.”
But what exactly is self-care? Essentially it is simply an attitude of intentionally looking after yourself in ways that address your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. It encompasses all the things, big and small, that you do to show care for yourself. Self-care begins with the basics: adequate sleep, healthy nutrition, positive relationships, a balance of solitude and socializing, regular exercise and a conscious spiritual practice. It includes being mindful of the blessings and miracles of life. It’s cultivating an awareness of boundaries, knowing and accepting where your limits are, what you feel comfortable with and what you don’t, and being able to voice and uphold your personal integrity. It’s taking a balanced approach to overall holistic well-being.
Self-care means knowing what recharges your battery. Trusting your intuition. Directing your wisdom inwards. No one can do self-care for you. It is care provided “for you, by you.” You take responsibility for identifying your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It’s treating yourself as kindly as you treat others. Different people have different self-care favourites. Some people reenergize by going for a jog while others seek the solace of a good book. A quick Internet search of the term “self-care activities” will generate scores of ideas. Self-care is not a prescription to be handed out by someone else; it’s a reflection on realizing what you need do to thrive.
Keep in mind, self-care isn’t spoiling yourself at the expense of others. There is a difference between self-absorbed, narcissistic behaviour and sound inner and outer health. Self-care nourishes and revitalizes you so that you can be fully available and present to others. Quite often escapism is mistaken for self-care. Escapism is when we disconnect from our lives as a coping strategy. It is energy diverting instead of energy restoring. We’ll examine the perils of escapism in the next column.
Until then, remember self-care is simple but not easy. It requires ongoing courage, commitment and faith to yourself as a worthy, valuable, competent and deserving person. Instead of fighting the current of the ceaseless river of obligations, take some time to relax on the shore. The river will still be there when you return, recharged and ready for action.
Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca.
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