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Humility

12-26-2018

In the last column we discussed hubris – the mix of over-confidence, ambition, and arrogance that leads to toxic pride, self-inflation, and entitlement. Today we will look at the antidote to hubris – humility.

Humility is rooted in the Latin word “humus” which means “earth” or “soil.” Humility keeps us grounded in the knowledge that we are part of something bigger than ourselves. This is not to be confused with a sense of inferiority, self-denigration, or lack of aspiration. Being humble doesn’t mean that you think lowly of yourself in a negative way or suffer humiliation. Rather, having humility means that you can tolerate an honest self-evaluation without being defensive. You accept your strengths, weaknesses, achievements, and fallibilities as simply being parts of who you are without self-aggrandisement or embarrassment. Humble people are not weak or timid. They aren’t afraid to take stock of their talents and shortfalls, but they don’t dwell on them. Psychologist June Tangney says humble people have a talent for “forgetting of the self,” for becoming “unselved.” They are able to swivel their focus so that they are not situated in the centre of the picture with the world revolving around them and their needs, but they also recognize that without their presence the entirety of the scene would be diminished. Writer C. S. Lewis sums this approach in the phrase: “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

Far from leading to apathy or laziness, humility is a motivating force. It serves as the dividing line between wanting to contribute something meaningful to our families, workplaces, and communities, and self-importance, where self-importance is measured by social status, honour, entitlements, prestige or power. A humble person is not preoccupied with reputation or ranking. She concentrates on improvement for the sake of getting better, not for getting recognition. Dr. Neel Burton explains that a de-emphasis on one’s self is liberating as it gives permission to admit to being imperfect, learn from mistakes, consider alternate possibilities, recognize the qualities and contributions of others, and respect, value, and submit to legitimate authority. He claims the proper perspective of humbleness inspires people to grow, resulting in humble people being highly productive and prolific. Burton believes that a truly humble person lives in a condition of pure peace and pleasure, enthralled by the miracle of existence. Instead of an ego-driven life, which typifies hubris, humility is a matter of finding value in the right place.

Psychologist Pelin Kesebir calls humility a “quiet ego.” She believes humility is best characterized by a willingness to accept the self and life without comforting illusions, and by low levels of self-focus. She contrasts humility with entitlement, stating that entitled people are deeply preoccupied with their own needs and convinced that they deserve special treatment. They have a “noisy ego.”

One of Kesebir’s areas of focus is on mortality and how people prepare for the inevitability of death. Her research has found that humility quiets death and acts as an existential anxiety buffer. She states: “Humility involves seeing and accepting the truth about the self. In its most basic meaning, this implies knowing one’s strengths and weaknesses, coming to terms with one’s imperfections. As a result, the humble self is relatively protected from the need for self-serving distortions and defensive reactions to self-threats. On a deeper level though, humility also involves accurately judging the self’s place within the larger context of existence. The humble person is thus probably more aware and accepting of the fact that against a cosmic scale of time and space, every human being is minute. This should turn personal mortality into a somewhat lesser tragedy and, potentially, into a source of clarity and guidance as to how life should be lived.”

Both hubris and humility offer guidance as to how life should be lived. Hubris goads us to drive forward with an agenda at any cost, consider our actions beyond scrutiny, and demean those who disagree with our needs, desires, and beliefs. Humility beseeches us to contemplate the greater good, accept responsibility for our own actions, and learn from those with differing worldviews. Humility asks us to look beyond ourselves and admit that we don’t know it all, but with effort we can know a bit more each day. To be humble is to be gentle with ourselves and others. Humility abhors humiliation – a topic we will explore in the next column.

Zainab Dhanani can be reached at z_dhanani@yahoo.ca

 

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Article Source: ALAMEENPOST.COM